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Dealing
with the Loss of a Pet
The death of a beloved pet can
be very distressing. Our pets are not only members of
the family, they are our faithful friends, our
children’s devoted playmates and reliable, affectionate
companions for the elderly or disabled. They enrich our
day-to-day lives and their passing makes for a deeply
felt loss.
There are
many reasons why we may have to face a pet's death:
- Terminal illness
- Old age or senility
- Fatal accident or unexpected
occurrence
- Behavioral problems
- Long-term or chronic illness
entailing heavy burdens in terms of care and/or finances
Most of these factors may place you in the
heartbreaking position of having to contemplate euthanasia.
As an owner, you are responsible for your pet’s overall
health and welfare. When his or her quality of life
deteriorates, determining to do the humane thing and end the
pet’s needless suffering may be one of the hardest decisions
you will ever have to make. That is why bereavement often
begins before the actual death of a pet.
Points to
consider when assessing your pet's quality of life:
- Pain or serious discomfort when
walking or moving
- Drastic loss of appetite
- Vomiting and/or diarrhea following
eating or drinking
- Difficulty in breathing
- Incontinence or other serious
problems with urination or defecation
- Capacity to see and hear properly
- Unresponsive, unmanageable or
dangerous behavior
Gain Support
Talk to your veterinarian. He or
she can give you a complete assessment of your pet’s health
and level of suffering, as well as assist you in evaluating
your options. This will go a long way in helping you make
your decision. You should also speak about your concerns
with family and friends in order to enlist their support
during this difficult time.
Adult Grief
Losing a friend, and that is what
your pet is, is always very painful. Facing such a loss is
not easy, and may evoke feelings of denial, anger, guilt or
depression before acceptance is reached. These reactions are
entirely natural and should be expressed. Everyone grieves
in his or her own way. You may experience some or all of
these feelings, in varying degrees and for different lengths
of time. Acknowledging them is an important step in the
mourning process, one that will help you understand why you
may have withdrawn from, or lashed out at, people who care
about you. You should realize that it is perfectly natural
to need comforting. It will not only help you cope with your
emotions and adjust to life without your pet, but may allow
you, in the future, to provide welcome support to others
around you who are experiencing the same loss.
Children’s Grief
 Be
honest. Children are very intuitive and know when something
is wrong. In wanting to safeguard them from a painful
experience, you may feel it’s wiser to exclude them from the
decision-making process. Once the decision is made, talk
openly about what has happened. Provide your children with
honest, simple answers that are appropriate for their age
group, using terms they know and understand. Not only will
they respect you for your honesty, but they will also be
better prepared to deal with the situation.
Avoid euphemisms. Younger children can be confused by
phrases like “went to sleep.” Indeed, employing such terms
may lead to fear and cause some children to become anxious
about actually going to sleep.
Encourage children to speak freely about their pet’s death
and give them the opportunity to vent their grief and
sadness. Share some of your own feelings and involve them in
the pet’s funeral preparations, if any. This will help them
deal with their concerns and give them the chance to say
goodbye in their own way.
Make sure that children understand that no one is to blame
for the pet’s death. Such an occurrence may arouse their
curiosity about death and its consequences in general. A
factual, straightforward approach, using answers or
illustrations that are appropriate for their age group, will
help guide children through the grieving process and lead to
their acceptance of the pet’s death, without pangs of
unnecessary guilt.
The Healing Process
Even though we may not believe it
at the time, the old adage “time heals” does hold true when
we are faced with the loss of a beloved pet. Recognize that
loss and give yourself the emotional time and space to
grieve. Getting over the sorrow, guilt and pain varies from
person to person. Seek help. Many hotlines, chat rooms,
message boards and support groups are available on the
Internet, and books on adult and child bereavement may help
you better understand what you are experiencing. And, if you
need to, don’t hesitate to reach out for others’ personal
and professional assistance. Talk to your veterinarian,
trusted friends, or a therapist. Make a donation or
volunteer your services to a pet shelter or Humane Society.
With time, the pain will lessen and you and your family will
be able to fully cherish happy memories of your special
friend.
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